Dear Starbucks patron that tried calming me down when Tumblr went offline for maintenance,
I’m sorry I threw my Iced Single Vente, 7 pump Peppermint, Caramel Sauce Top and Bottom, Light Ice, No whip, Mocha in your face. It ruined your nice suit and made an embarrassment out of the both of us.
I also apologise for calling your lovely wife a “horrible excuse for a human being” and later a “stupid ugly sow.” I’m sure she’s a very lovely lady and now that I see her without being clouded by blind rage I realise she’s actually very pretty.
Furthermore, please accept my apologies for telling your son that he’s adopted and that you (his parents) don’t love him. It was completely uncalled for and I also shouldn’t have gone even further by telling him Santa wasn’t real and that you killed his real family.
I realise you were just trying to calm me after I flipped out when Tumblr went down. I should have channeled my anger in a more appropriate manner. Please accept my apologies.
Signed,
Alan Harris
Ps. Is the restraining order really necessary?
